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Can I Make Him Want More Than Friends With Benefits?

Melanie asks: I am 20, single and am seeing this 24-year-old guy named Adam. When we met a month ago we went on a date to go see a movie, and it was obvious that we liked each other. Our second date we went to his house, watched a movie and then became friends with benefits. About 20 days ago and handful of dates later, and I told him that I wanted a relationship with him because I liked him so much, and that friends with benefits wasn’t working for me anymore. His response? “I’m not looking for a relationship.”

Two days ago I asked him out, but he replied quite angrily, “I already told you I don’t want a relationship!” Yet just before I asked him out he said he thought about me the day before, and that he wanted to cuddle with me even though he normally hates it.

I really want a relationship with Adam and not just a friends with benefits relationship! Is there any way I can convince him?

Bonny’s response: It’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever get more from this guy other that what you’ve already had. If you want more than friends with benefits, it’s time to end the interaction and find someone who wants the same thing you do, as he’s been very clear with you that he’s not interested in anything else. Try next time you meet someone you’re attracted to and interested in to be upfront from the start about what you’re looking for. In the meantime? Forget about this guy. Don’t call, email, text or otherwise get in contact with him. Don’t reply to his obviously disrespectful requests – you don’t want just sex while he’s pushing for it – and invest your energy into meeting someone who is on the same page and respectful of your needs.

But you tell me readers: can Melanie turn this friends with benefits relationship into something more? If so, how? If no, why not? Or, share your friends with benefits story.

_{Another reader Friends with Benefits question}

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