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Facebooking The Ex

A friend of mine asked me the other day if it was ‘normal’ for ex’s to request my friendship over at Facebook. As in, did I have any ex’s on Facebook, and how did I feel when they befriended me?

Interesting question, as I see this coming up in dating chats more often than even a year ago. It also was timely for me personally, as I had an ex add me to Facebook recently – one that gave me pause, as we hadn’t dated (or spoken) in over 15 years.

So why would an ex add you to Facebook? Depending on the length of time its been since you’ve broken up, it might be innocuous: maybe they found you through a mutual friend and were curious to see how you’re doing. Or, they could be wistful about the past hoping maybe you’ll reconnect, similarly to why many folks attend reunions. There also might be an apology in the works or an attempt to gain some closure. But like many of us (my friend included) the fear is that the ex is either trying to keep dibs or employing some sort of online stalkerish-type behavior. In my case the ex was wanting to make amends, but my friend is still pondering the intelligence of adding an ex to his friends list.

In a world where most people can easily find each other online with some basic information, it’s not a stretch to think that a select few will abuse technology in this fashion. Just like Googling your date is the norm now in certain age brackets, connecting with people from your past via social networking sites is also standard fare.

I suggested to my friend that he review About.com’s Guide to Social Media, Linda Roeder’s website, specifically, “How To Adjust Privacy Settings In Facebook,” as currently, anyone can view his Facebook profile. Perhaps a bit too much information, considering. Yet at the same time, why the paranoia about someone you’ve dated? That was the stance I took, and readily accepted my former date into my circle of Facebook friends. But I didn’t give him full access to my profile; that was my caveat.

How about you? Would you befriend an ex on Facebook? Why or why not? And if an ex tried to add you to their friends list, would you allow the connection?

_{Related: Facebook Dating, Safe Dating Tips.}

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