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First Date Tips, In The Form Of Cautionary Tales

Sometimes I wonder if the inability to leave a positive image when making a first impression is a genetic trait or an affliction from the gods. It would be great if it was a clinical illness that had a name, like “bad-foot-forward disorder” or something. That way it wouldn’t be my fault and there could be a whole dating personals section dedicated to people with the same problem. The long apologetic disclaimers that inevitably surface during the more trying moments of a botched date could just be assumed, ignored and, hopefully, overlooked.

I suppose there are many words for the difficulty I’m describing. They range from shy to jerk and on to geek. On any given day, I seem to be able to land myself in one of these categories no matter how hard I try to avoid them.

You see, while most of the first date tips you get make perfect sense on paper, in reality they should come with extensive lists of disclaimers. For instance, “talk about interests you have in common” sounds pretty innocuous. However, it should be limited to interests over which you are in agreement. I love books. Most people like books. I, however, cannot pretend Harry Potter novels constitute quality literature or that Stephen King doesn’t have terrible grammar. This has offended many people. By the same token, I actually enjoy reading Greek epics but you may be surprised to know that many people would rather go deaf than listen to me talk about them.

Then there are comments that simply make no sense to me, like “be natural.” This only works if you’re naturally presentable. It is also, for a lot of us, in direct contradiction to the idea that one should “be confident.” It is true that some people are naturally confident, at least more so than I am on a first date, but it seems to me that it’s human nature to be nervous when you’re exited and hopeful. So I can either act natural and look nervous or try to put on a façade of confidence or date people for whom I have no interest.

I realize that I’m being overly difficult. I understand the idea behind consciously crafting a first impression; that the idea is to make yourself appear how you would normally, how you would be if you weren’t actually nervous. I know all the first date tips you get from people are well-intentioned. I guess I just wanted to offer a little sympathy to anyone out there who, like me, finds getting to know people as nerve-racking as it is fun.

Source: First Date Tips, In The Form Of Cautionary Tales

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